


The Clean Little Cabin

by OutOfTheBlue



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Horror, Humor, M/M, Murderer, Old Man, What Was I Thinking?, but not really, or At Least an Attempt at Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-20
Updated: 2014-06-20
Packaged: 2018-02-05 12:41:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,332
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1818907
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OutOfTheBlue/pseuds/OutOfTheBlue
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Levi knew that he should have never listened to Eren.<br/>That Eren's plans were always flawed.<br/>That there was a murderer on the loose and they were next.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Clean Little Cabin

Levi knew that he should have never listened to his boyfriend. His boyfriend that could never plan shit. And if plans did go through, something always went down. Like the time when his boyfriend decided that it was okay to go kayaking during a storm. Auruo almost lost his life against the currents and Gunther broke his arm because he couldn't see the rocks that were in front of him.

Never again.

Is what Levi said until his boyfriend presented him a nice one night getaway at a remote cabin.

It was definitely tempting. After all, Levi had no alone time with his boyfriend. His mother pried too much into their sex lives. Eren's family wasn't much better. He has a kind mother, a crazy sister, and a crazy ass father that have absolutely no boundaries. Levi remembered remotely that one time when Eren and he were at it pretty hot and heavy in Eren's room, but then Mikasa walked in, sat down, and decided to discuss the awful day she had.

Levi decided, the trip was a must. A one night away from the crazies was more than enough pros to overpower the cons. (Cons being the something-will-always-go-wrong fiasco, Eren's inability to hold in his own piss for even a fifteen minute car ride – let alone three hours).

It will be fine. It will be the most memorable trip we ever dreamt of, I promise, Eren said. Yeah, alright.

Oh of course, the little shit ruined it when he decided to invite his fucking friends. Out of courtesy, he asked if Levi wanted to invite his friends. After what they all went through, everyone had an excuse to turn down the trip.

_"I have to go over to my grandmother's house, sorry."_ Auruo lied through his teeth.

_"My sister wants me to accompany her on a shopping trip. I can't say no."_ Petra does not have a sister.

_"Gunther and I are going camping this weekend, maybe we will meet you there."_ They weren't even going to the same resort.

_"Levi, I am your boss. You need to remember to tell me two weeks in advance when you want to take off a day."_ Fuck you too, Erwin.

And Hanji, well…he was not going to ask the mad woman to come along.

-

Now, Levi did mention before that anything Eren plans, something has to go wrong (he probably stated that about a million times by now). So when they arrived at bumblefuck, the cabin looked a little too good to be true. The outside had a cute little porch that Levi wouldn't mind having for his future home. But what really drew his attention was the cleanliness of the cabin. Nothing could satisfy Levi's level of cleanliness. The place was spotless. Levi couldn't complain. Which is a first. Which makes the whole thing was a little too suspicious and too eerie.

Which of course, brings them to the predicament that they're in.

Levi slapped his hands over his boyfriend's lips, stopping the fucker from breathing too hard (Eren was always one of those heavy breathers that inhaled and exhaled oxygen like a goddamn walrus).

Eren moved Levi's hand away, accepting the fact that he needed to regulate his breath if he wanted to live. That didn't stop him from speaking in a whisper though.

"Do you think he's gone?" Eren moved a bit closer, wedging Levi between him and the closet wall.

"We need to get the fuck out of here," Levi answered, trying to push Eren aside to open the door just a crack.

"I'm scared, Levi." His boyfriend whimpered.

"We will get out of here," he reassured him.

"What if he took our car? Or slashed the tires? Or maybe he's going to eat us—" Levi clapped his hands on his boyfriend's mouth once more when he heard the creaking of the floorboards.

He knew that motherfucker had something up his sleeves.

When Levi, Eren, and his friends arrived at the cabin. An old man greeted them by the door. The man was fat, but somehow his long chicken legs supported his heavy weight. The man had a grin on his face, eyes squinted so much that Levi had to guess whether the old fart could actually see or not. The man explained himself, saying that he spoke to Eren prior to the trip. Apparently the lonely old man, Jonathan was his name, owned the cabin and just wanted some company. He promised to be a friendly host.

But then he murdered one of Eren's friends.

And another.

Sasha and Connie will forever be remembered.

Of course, Levi and Eren had no time to grief. They were trying to survive themselves and they had no clue if any of Eren's other friends fled or died. Bertolt was a little too tall to hide and the fucker, Reiner, could probably take out the old man, but Levi was pretty sure the last time he saw him was when he screamed like a pansy and ran out the door.

So, doing a friend count, there's two dead, and three M.I.A. Hopefully Armin was small enough crawl into a small space and call the cops. Or maybe the little mushroom-head already turned into stew. Levi sure hoped not. He actually liked the kid.

The shuffling of footsteps drew closer until Levi was sure fat ole Jonathan was in front of the closet door that Eren and him were currently hiding in. Eren's green eyes were in a frenzy, panic struck.

**Horror Movie Rule #1: Never hide in a small space with only one way out because you _will_ die.**

How could he have forgotten? It was a mistake on his part, but you couldn't really blame him. Jonathan threw two bodies onto the floor, catching everyone's attention that occupied the couches in the living room. He held out the last candle that was lit in his hands, grinning as he blew it out, leaving everyone in a disarray. They scattered in mere seconds. Levi chose to grab Eren and made a run to the closest door – which sadly, was a damn closet for cleaning products.

The closet door flung open and the old man smiled down at them.

"Oh look at what I found here. Two birdies hiding. Which one should I kill? I think I'll choose this one," Jonathan pointed his weapon at Eren, causing Eren to cower behind Levi.

The old fart held his knife up high, ready to strike a blow. But Levi was faster (he will thank Jackie Chan for creating such inspirational fighting movies) and did a nice leg sweep. The old man fell to the floor, squealing like a pig as he made contact with the floor.

"Run!" Levi shouted, pulling Eren out of the closet and towards the front door. Eren eventually took the lead because of his longer strides with his long ass legs.

"—what the fuck?" Levi wasn't expecting to collide into Eren's back. When he looked over, Eren was struggling with the doorknob.

"Levi! Levi I can't get the door to open! Holy fuck. We are going to die! Levi we are going to die! We haven't even had sex yet. Oh my god, we haven't even had _sex_ yet! If we make it out alive, you have to make sweet love to me! Holy shit! We are so dead!" Eren was weeping, twisting the knob in all different directions

**Rule #2: Never panic in any situation or else you _will_ die.**

"Shut up, stupid brat!" Levi tried at the door, unlocking it in an instant.

"You aren't getting away!" Jonathan laughed, only a mere feet behind them (how the hell did he even manage to get to them so fast? He was old!)

Levi managed to swing the door on time when the man went for the stabbing. His knife was caught by the wooden frame. The man grunted, wiggling the knife out the door as Levi and Eren made it outside.

They both ran for their lives, Eren still crying and Levi freaking out because his car was no where to be seen (then again, he didn't even have his keys on him). He was now a hundred percent sure that Reiner took his car. If the old man doesn't kill Reiner, Levi sure as hell will haunt that asshole for taking his mother's minivan and leaving everyone to die.

The only option they had was to run into the woods. Levi sprinted for his life, closing in on the forest. He reached out to grab his boyfriend's hands but he only touched the cold air. He turned back and of course his boyfriend tripped. Eren was scrambling away from the murderer, facing the old man as the guy was slowly approaching him.

**Rule #3: Just don't ever fall. And if you do fall, get the fuck back up. Don't scramble, because you _will_ die.**

"Eren!" Levi screamed. He couldn't make it. He couldn't make it on time!

Then his whole life flashed before him.

Levi saw the beaming headlights before he felt metal collide against his side, sending him spinning in the air. As he spun (gracefully, he might add), everything slowed in front of his eyes. He recognized his mother's silver minivan. The car drove passed him, not stopping until it hit the old man, missing Eren by nearly an inch.

Still spinning, he saw the car screech to a halt after landing a hit on its target. The old man was knocked down in an instant, knife leaving his hand as he passed out.

Levi heard sirens blaring in a distant as he finally landed on the leafy floor. His vision blurred as he tried to get up. Hot liquid trickled down the side of his face. He touched it faintly and stared down at it. Ah, blood. It was definitely blood. He heard Eren calling out to him, but he just really wanted to sleep. He really needed to fucking sleep.

Then he blacked out.

-

A few weeks passed since the incident at the cabin. Turned out Sasha and Connie were not dead. They were just playing dead. Although that was probably the most ridiculous thing they could do, they managed somehow to live, so Levi couldn't really call them stupid. Except that both of them carried scars marring their abdominal, which they showed off proudly to their friends as 'battle wounds'.

In fact, they all lived. Coconut-head indeed called the cops – smart boy. And apparently Bertolt hid himself between the curtains and windows (Levi had no idea how the hell he didn't die first), and asshole Reiner did take his car. Reiner was also the one who decided to run over Levi. He defended himself saying, "It was just an accident, man. You looked threatening, so I hit you."

Levi sported wounds of his own. He suffered a concussion and two broken ribs. He had to stay in the hospital a couple of days, just in case he started to internally bleed or some shit. Once he was finally out of the hospital, Eren took the task of nursing his boyfriend back to health.

Eren sat at the foot of Levi's bed, slicing an apple. Levi woke up from his afternoon nap, still feeling like shit as the pain killer wore off.

"Oh, you're awake." Eren came closer, eating the apple as he peered down at Levi. "Want one?" He held up the bowl, indicating to the fruits. Levi shook his head.

"How long was I out for?"

"Probably three hours? It's a lot longer than your usual naps. How do you feel today?" Eren was still stuffing his face with more apple slices than his mouth could hold.

"Like shit. Eren, I have something to say to you." Levi looked at his stupid boyfriend.

Eren held up his hands. "You don't have to say anything. I understand how you exactly feel about me. Don't confess your undying love for me. I already know how you feel about me. Marriage? But Levi, it's just too soon. I know you want to adopt seven kids, but—"

"Wait one second, little shit. When the hell did I said I wanted seven kids? And that's not what I wanted to tell you."

If Eren had ears and a tail, they would be pointing down in disappointment. But Levi couldn't console his boyfriend, not after what he was about to say.

"Oh, well what is it?" Eren scratched the back of his neck out of nervousness.

"We are never, ever, going on a trip that you plan. Ever, do you understand?"

Eren nodded his head happily, obviously thinking that Levi was going to say something totally different. Such as a stupid break up or something.

Eren leaned down and kissed Levi gently on the lips, swiping his tongue along Levi's bottom lip. He opened up his mouth, allowing Eren to dominate the kiss a little until he couldn't hold back any longer. He tugged the back of Eren's hair as he lifted his head up to deepen the kiss. Once Levi pulled back, Eren was panting heavily.

"So Levi," Eren started, trying to catch his breath, "not to ruin the mood or anything, but there is something I want to tell you. I know it's to soon, but I was thinking about going to the amusement park with everyone during summer. Want to come?"

"Oh for fuck's sake, hell no." Levi answered, smacking his boyfriend on the head because Eren was being a little dumb shit.

Eren laughed, knocking their heads together. "Just kidding, maybe."

But Levi knew that he wasn't kidding. Although that was the case, he wasn't going to leave him alone because Eren could hardly fend for himself. And plus, Eren was his boyfriend and Levi was willing to protect him at all cost.

-

During that summer at the amusement park, Eren and Levi were trapped in a haunted house. After closing hours.

**Author's Note:**

> Well, it's been a while fellas! Hope you enjoyed it because this was written at 3 in the morning. Without coffee. Without sleep. Yelp!


End file.
